i recommended and implemented a checklist at work. others raised their eyebrows and wouldn't touch it. if it works for surgeons, it works for us!

"have a checklist. You can't fix that problem without addressing shame, because when they teach those folks how to suture, they also teach them how to stitch their self-worth to being all-powerful. And all-powerful folks don't need checklists."

we're most often our biggest critic. definitely the case with me.

"Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is "I am bad." Guilt is "I did something bad." Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I'm sorry. I am a mistake. "

"Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders. Guilt, inversely correlated with those things."

the difference is letting go.

"For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations. Shame is one, do not be perceived as what? Weak"

i.e. vulnerability. men are not allowed to show weakness. we have to live up to the same 19th century ideals of stoic men, that haven't changed since.

"men in this country need to do to conform with male norms, the answers were: always show emotional control, work is first, pursue status and violence. "

shame thrives under secrecy, silence, and judgement. empathy is the opposite.

" I'm going to go in there and kick some ass when I'm bulletproof and when I'm perfect"

sounds like my entire life.